Little Red Snob

Strange Hands

Strange Hands
written by Niki Daly

I spotted him at the entrance of a supermarket – the other me.

 

Ours was not just a good resemblance – but a total look alike. Even his clothes were the same as those I sometimes wore. I’d heard of such things; doppelgangers they’re called. But the sight of him shocked me and I felt compelled to tail him – like a shadow – as he walked around the aisles filling his basket with the very same items that I had come to buy that day.

Panic stricken, I left him at a cash point and rushed home to tell my wife what had happened to me. But upon reaching home, I was unable to open the front door – the bloody key had got jammed in the lock!

 

I began calling out, ‘Open up!’

 

I peered through the frosted glass panel and saw her coming down the long passage. But before reaching the door, she stopped. I couldn’t understand why she just stood there when I needed to be let into my own house. Finally, I heard her say, ‘I don’t open the door to strangers.’

‘For God’s sake, let me in. I’m not a stranger – it’s me!’ I pleaded. My voice sounded odd – hoarse with exhaustion. Then I began pounding the door with my fists.
‘Go away, or I’ll call the police!’ she cried.

 

Later, when the handcuffs were removed, I was let go and told not to be a nuisance.

 

I walked to a park, found a bench, sat down and tried to gather myself. My hands hurt like hell. I held them up to examine the damage caused by the hammering they had taken. And as I looked at them, I knew – with a chilling certainty – that those red knuckled, bloodied hands did not belong to me.

 

 

 

 

Oh, what a morning!

Oh, what a morning
to put on my tights
go balletic and take in sights -
The Great Wall of China
Prado – Spain
the Queen’s pajamas . . .
then home again!

 

Some More People I’d like to Strangle

fig 2

The trouble making attorney who drives house buyers bonkers

Some People I’d like to Strangle

fig 1
The red haired editor who rejected my teenage novel
because it contained 222 ‘f” words.

Paper Dolls can be Fun

I would like to encourage you all to play with paper dolls.  It’s extremely good for your mental health I believe.  So here’s a genuine Niki Dali paper Doll for you to cut out and dress.  I encourage you to design a wardrobe for your paper doll, remembering at all times to adhere to classical lines and happy fabrics. Do send me your creations and I will put them up for everyone to enjoy.

Family Album

My niece’s son, Nathan, who is undergoing therapy that involves sparklers. My niece says  it’s the only way to keep him focused.

Brenda, my third cousin on my Aunty Vera’s side, with her new hairstyle ( if you think it’s bad, you ought to see her drapes!)

My cousin, Barry Higgershogger, wrote that he really regrets opening the bottle of Dr Funnyfellow’s Hair Restorer I sent him – he thinks he’s now being stalked by an Irish Wolfhound! I think he looks rather professorial.

Some Dolls I’ve Met!

I’ve met some crazy dolls in my time – believe me.

See Tessie Troll (doll in the middle with crazy hair)? You don’t want to mess with her. See those Wettums? That’s Tessie’s work. She knows just what to say to make those dollys cry. Bet she’s just told them that they have stale air for brains.

Don’t let Little Miss Dimple Knees fool you. She hangs around with soldiers, going: ‘Ooh, do you have any secret weapons for me, Mr Soldier? Give you one of my carrots for your rifle.’

Helga from the Low Countries would make a nice friend if she would only stop whistling that maddening tune that goes ‘Gilly, Gilly, Ossenfeffer, Katzenellen Bogen By The Sea’

I just love hanging out with The Wooly Booley Twins. They’re full of jazz and cotton wool, and say cool things like ‘Yo!’ and ‘Wazzup!’

So, wanna hang out in Toyland with me sometime?

Top Shelf Society

A Marriage made in Hong Kong
Vince and Vera have finally got married after many appearances as the couple on top of a Wedding Cake.

Vince, who likes to sail his yacht around bath tubs and sing Perry Como songs said, ‘Vera’s a very special person. There’s nothing plastic about her.’ Vera remained quiet but her fixed smile said it all.

Seen on the Top Shelf

Frederico has been seen in the company of Little Chico. ‘We’re just friends’ said Frederico, nonchalantly.

Funny Little Bendy Man

Funny Little Bendy Man told our reporter that he was addicted to crayons, ‘Specially the pink one!’

The Graffiti Gonzo Group Hit the Streets of Obz

The 3 G’s (The Graffiti Gonzo Group) consists of Potato Boy, a resident of Obz, Doobie Dali from Barthalorna, and Slovakian, Ikin Ylãd. While their approach to their art varies, they all share the same ‘white walls suck’ attitude, and are fiercely dedicated to ridding the Obz and Mowbray areas of all bland, non- committal ‘silent surfaces’.

Potato Boy with his Mr Smiley potato-cut graffiti.

Doobie Dali’s distinctive, whimsical touch has become highly sought after by galleries around the world. This piece was removed while the owners were out and sold for $8 million to billionaire art collector, Sheik Yoboodie.

Ikin Ylãd, the anarchist of the group, unleashes his ‘na zadok diery’ (butt hole) message as a wake-up call to all who think white walls are cool.